Black Thumb Gardening

Let me start by saying that my black thumb is as dark as 134bb3cd2a59eb88ece0655b7a0116a2black garbage bag my dead plants end up in after I kill them. I have always had a love for flowers, especially roses and lillies (that is where my daughter’s got their middle names) but every attempt to keep a plant alive has been met with an untimely demise caused by my inability to grow anything!

A few years ago, my youngest Danyella and I, purchased tomato and pepper plants that we replanted into pots for our second floor apartment deck. We successfully grew a few tomatoes and peppers that Danyella happily enjoyed eating after she picked them. There may only have been a few veggies that came off those plants but it was a huge success for a black thumb like me.

This year, since we are in a house with a yard, Danyella requested that we grow a garden full of different veggies. I would love to say that I was excited about this when she first asked about it but the fear of failing at growing this garden is huge because I don’t want to disappoint my child. It seems like all the planets alined with Danyella’s request because every store is selling starting kits with mini pots, seeds and the disc thing that becomes the dirt. Most of the kits that I have purchased for $1 were from Target because they have a whole little gardening section in their $1 bins (no idea what they really call them but the area where all the products are $5 and under). For Danyella’s birthday, I bought her forget me nots, pansies, strawberries, cucumbers and tomato seed kits. Since then I have purchased lavendar, mint and basil seeds plus a couple of adorable planters and marking sticks. Add that to the Rose bush my boyfriend bought me for Valentine’s Day (another story for another day), succulents I bought at the Philadelphia Flower Show and the Calla Lily plant that Danyella received on her birthday and we have lots of plants to try to keep alive!

In New Jersey, it is still very cold at night (averages in the 30s) and warms to 50-60 degrees during the day. We are getting alot of rain this past week (after a 2 foot snow storm March 14th!) which is drenching the ground. Since the weather is so up and down, I did some research and asked friends that grow plants before I started the process of starting to make my pots. The past couple of days, I have started our little pots of seeds and are keeping them in boxes and baskets so I can transport them outside when the whether is nice.

I have a tendancy to either forget to water the plants or over water them so this is going to be finding a balance and doing more research on how to keep our plants alive. I am very excited and nervous to try and make this garden grow to feed my daughter’s curiosity and tummy. I’ll keep you all updated on our garden endeavor and please feel free to leave me any tips for my black thumb to maybe turned a green tinged gray.

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Let’s Make Things and Be Happy

0145f73236d1a38bf76352387fb519aeWhen you are a creative person, your heart and soul craves the feeling of creating something with your hands (or other body parts if it suits your artistic craving). Having run my handmade business the past 9 years, I have created many beautiful things including clothing, accessories and so much more. Most of the things that I created were at the request of a customer looking for a custom item. I love some of the creativity that my customers challenge me with but something has been missing in my soul.

I am not sure what exactly is missing yet but I am feeling creatively unsatisfied. The feeling of needing to find my artistic passion grows with everyday so I need to start to explore my artistic options. There is a huge world to explore my creative senses and find my passion but where do I begin?

Let’s start with my artistic skills….. I can crochet, knit, sew, draw, paint and create beautiful art out of unwanted items. So with all of these artistic skills, why can’t I find something that lights my passion? That is what I want to set out to answer by creating something new every week.

I have gotten into the habit of finding something popular among my customer base and making a bunch of them until I get mentally exhausted and begin to hate the creation. So, I want to change things up and try new things in my creative endeavors. Since I am Pinterest obsessed, I plan on getting most of my ideas from Pinterest and will be blogging about my new item each week. I am excited to see where this leads me and artistic cravings!

This is my current project (thanks to my mom’s friend who is Photo Mar 21, 7 34 07 PMa grandma of twin gi
rls). I am making bunny hats in purple and pink for the twins to have pictures done for Easter. The yarn used in the pictures was difficult to find in purple, locally at least and to pay the shipping costs was outrageous! I am using a similar fluffy yarn but it is a bit thick since it is supposed to be a blanket yarn. So far I have the hats done and just need to make the ears. These are super simple to make and I can’t wait to see the girls wearing them.

 

Journey to a Healthy Body

39e66afc5bbd472bd974db4442b82b17 People always tell me that you need to love the body you are in and love yourself if you want to be happy. Well… I half agree with that statement because yes I do need to love myself but it doesn’t mean I am going to be happy with the changes that have been going on in my body. There are women that love themselves whether they are 105 pounds and petite or 205 pounds and curvy. I am not one of those women!

Currently I am 158 pounds and continuing to gain weight despite my efforts to work out and change my eating habits. I have been working out 4-5 times a week, practicing yoga almost daily and have cut out most carbs and sugars plus increased my intake of fresh fruits/veggies and water but I continue to gain weight. I am exhausted everyday, even if I can take a nap, I just want to continue to sleep and my body hurts all the time.

Part of me wonders if there is something more going on with my body then the tests are revealing. I have been going to the doctor for 2 years for sleep problems and my body pain. All that was revealed was the I have herniated discs in my neck that “could” be effecting my nerve endings in my body. It is frustrating and depressing that my body feels this miserable and my attempts at living a healthier lifestyle has increased my weight instead of decrease my weight and pain. I took myself off the medication that aided in my pain relief because my significant other and I are trying to have a baby after my miscarriage in January. We have pushed to change to a healthier lifestyle to help aid in trying to conceive so this just adds to my frustrations with my weight.

Happiness is a mind over matter situation but your matter affects your mind especially when it comes to self love. I want to feel happy and healthy with my body, mind and life so this is going to be a long journey in my life that will require even more changes to give me those results I seek.

On Mondays, I am going to blog about my journey with my weight, body and happiness within.

Balance in Relationships

Something that I have struggled with for basically all of my life is creating a balance in my relationships where I am not giving, giving, giving and not getting anything in return. Don’t get me wrong, I love to help people and be there for the ones I love but I do this to a point where I get burned out and then resent this person for the way I am feeling about myself. The feelings of resentment then resonate in my mind and it turns ugly. The last thing I end up doing to casting this person, that I resent so much, out of my life and later regret my actions but it is to late to change things now or the person and I reconcile and the cycle continues over and over again. one day she remembered that it wasn't her job to keep everyone happy

Now, I am not talking about just romantic relationships, but all my relationships with friends and family. I love to see others happy even if it costs me my own happiness until I can’t take it anymore. Neglecting your own happiness and well being to create someone else’s happiness is not healthy but it is a cycle that I seem to get myself stuck in all the time. Yes, I do self love work and have come a long, long way in my 35 years of creating other people’s happiness and avoiding my own but the cycle still exists and it flat out sucks.

When it is a family relationship that this is occuring in, I will take a “time out” from said family member and get myself back on track until I see the cycle begin again. When it comes to romantic relationships, you really can’t take a “time out” without killing the relationship but if the relationship continues at a rate that is uneven then the relationship is going to suffer repercussions, possibly permanant ones.

Currently, I am struggling with this balance in multiple relationships in my life and the attempt to find the balance has been exhausting because truly it takes two to create this balance. In my romantic relationship, the lack of balance is one that has been mentally and emotionally exhausting because no matter how hard I try, his lack of keeping his end of the balace has me working harder but seeing no results. Our schedules have become so opposite of each other that even when we have time to spend together there is very little connection and being a hopeless romantic, I am left wondering what I am doing wrong or what else I can do but in reality I can do everything possible but without the other person balancing out my efforts then all it does is build up resentment until I blow up.

That blow up has recently happened and it was not pretty. I exploded and cried and exploded and still hold the feelings of resentment because I don’t know what to do to get it through his head that I need him to keep up with his end of the relationship. We may only have a half hour in the evening before I go to bed, but make the most of that time. Cuddle with me, hold my hand, take a bath with me, remind me that I am the one you love. Since we only have a little time to spend together then find something special to suprise me with and remind me why I fell in love with you. Just because life happens and we work hard to keep our house and family living comfortably doesn’t mean that we begin to act like roommates not lovers.

Since my blow up, I am learning to do more for myself and love myself more then doing things for my love. There is a part of me that feels guilty for acting like this but I need to make myself happy because I don’t feel like I am making him happy. It breaks my heart that he feels like we are ok but I am not so maybe showing him that making myself happy before his happiness will open his eyes before our relationship ends up with repercussions we cannot come back from.

It is extremely hard to talk about my personal relationship but I know others can relate which is why I am doing it. Whether its a lover, friend or family member…. make each of them feel loved and of course love yourself first!