My Secret to Motivation

My Secret To Motivation

As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, finding the joy in everyday living has been a struggle or better wording has taken A LOT of work from me mentally, physically and spiritually. There have been days that I don’t work on my self-care and those days have been the ones that make me realize that I need to work twice as hard the next day.

About 8 years ago, I found myself in the biggest depression of my life. I was a single mom struggling to make ends meet. We had to have a funeral for my brother who had just lost this battle to drugs. I was in a toxic relationship with an alcoholic that I felt I needed to save from himself.  I had to hold it together because that is what I do.

I don’t know how I came across the books by Louise Hay but they changed my life. Reading her books, made me realize that I held my own power over my life not my circumstances or other people. I was the one who had to take a stand with myself, for myself.

After reading 2 of her books, I was focused and working on myself everyday for about a year. Slowly, I got away from the positive habits I had worked so hard to achieve and the old, bad habits started creeping up.

About 2 years ago, I was flipping through suggestions on Netflix and The Secret came across on my list. I had no idea what the movie was about but it looked intriguing so I watched it. Wow!! The things that the people in the video said spoke to me in ways that I didn’t even know I could be reached mentally and spiritually. I looked into the book and found it on Audible.com which is my latest way to “read” books when I don’t have the time to sit and read.

I began to listen to the words over and over again. Some of the chapters I have repeated after listening to them once then over again because there is a message in there that I need to stick in my mind and soul. I was so grateful for these words.

Nearly everyday, I start my day by listening to the audio version of The Secret because I am at a point in my life that when I am stressed out I need the reminder to be set back on track. Listening to the wonderful things they have to say, the affirmations that adapt for my life and the success stories keep me motivated to keep working on myself. If I don’t work on myself then no one else will work on me and I will end up back in the deep slump I was in before and I don’t want that at all.

The great thing about having The Secret on audio book is that I can listen while I am making breakfast, taking a walk, doing laundry… just about anything and anywhere (as long as I remember my earbuds and new adapter)! Listening to other people acheive their sucesses through self care keeps me motivated to keep on going. To take the time everyday to work on myself and love myself.

My motivation for all of you on this Solar Eclipse Monday is to watch, listen or read The Secret and take the time to work on yourself even if its 5 minutes everyday…. You are worth it!

the secret

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Looking For the Bright Side

It’s a Tuesday morning which means life will be less stressful than Monday morning and a little more relaxed.

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That was my exact thoughts as I lay in bed this morning debating on whether to sleep in a little longer since Danyella spent the night at my mom’s and I don’t have an appointment first thing. I mean if there is no rush to get up then my pregnant butt should relax for as long as I could… right?

Well that was BEFORE I made the mistake of looking at my phone….

First email that caught my eye was from the HR department of my job basically telling me that I was in non compliance because my OB hasn’t been able to finish the 30 pages of paperwork for the FMLA so that I can collect a little for a little bit time while I am on bed rest. So that has been a going back and forth  with HR all day hoping and praying that I will still be able to collect something because my family needs any extra money we can to get ready for this baby girl.

The second email was from my college telling me that I was selected for the IRS verification for my FAFSA application. So they give me all these instructions on how I can do this online but it doesn’t work. I go to the FAFSA homepage hoping to find answers on how to get this to work only to find out that FAFSA disabled the ability to do the online verification until the next season which who the hell knows when that is! Next option is to access my transcripts online instantly through the IRS website but I don’t have a credit card, mortgage or auto loan in my name (downfall of trying to keep my expenses down and not fall behind on loans by not having loans). So onto the third option, order my transcripts to be mailed to me. According to the site it can take upto 10 days to process my request… well classes start in 3 weeks so I might be able to start classes because I do not have any money to put towards my tuiton fees. I did email the financial aid woman but have yet to hear back about how long this will take to process will take and if I should stop my plans to go back to school (yes I shed more than one tear over this today).

On a bright note…. I stopped into work and was able to see some of my friends and eat my favorite French Onion Soup. I have 3 weeks to try to hope, pray and keep on top of the financial aid woman to process my aid so I can start classes (squeaky wheel gets the oil first). And best of all…. my local Starbucks secretly has Pumpkin Spice Lattes back plus I got 2 more maternity clothes for $10 on clearance at Target. A win win day after all!

Somedays are harder than others to find that bright side but there is always a bright side to every dark side of life. One thing that listening to The Secret (I listen to the audiobook everyday) and other positive life changing books has taught me that if you dwell on the bad then more bad will come but if you find the good in each situation then the good things will occurred more often. Stay positive and stay happy on this Terrific Tuesday!

New Day Different Stress

stressAs if this pregnancy hasn’t been hard enough to deal with, but each day has brought something new to stress about which living in good ole America means…. money or lack there of. A woman going through a pregnancy is told to keep her stress level to a minimum for the health of herself and the baby but add a high risk, possible pre-term labor pregnancy and you are told do not be stressed out at all! Oh how I wish life was that easy!

Since June, the stressors have been hitting me left and right with each one having a bigger impact than the last. In June, while I was on my one and only girls trip to Las Vegas (planned nearly a year in advance and the thought of a baby was not even in existence), I receive a frantic phone call from my boyfriend that someone is trying to change the locks on our house! WTF!! After calming him down, making several pissed off phone calls to my landlord and trying not to ruin my trip, I find out that the house we have been renting was foreclosed on and my landlord never told the bank he was renting it so the bank was coming to seize the property! So my landlord had to email me a letter stating we were renting the property because he had not updated my lease which was asked multiple times since November. One crisis diverted…. onto the next one!

Jump to a couple of weeks ago when I get notice in the mail that my insurance did not cover a single one of my baby appointments because they cancelled my insurance. WTF!! Now I am hormonal and dealing with a crisis so I automatically start crying and freaking out at the same time. I call the insurance company, who first tells me that they cancelled the insurance and reactivated it to May because they didn’t receive my premium for May. Mind you they accepted my payment for June and July and never said a single word in 2 months about May until they cancelled the policy. I am frantic on the phone with them who connects me with the company that I bought my policy from and tells me just pay them and then we can reinstate it. Well this company tells me NO! When the policy is cancelled it is cancelled sorry and hangs up. So I call the insurance company back…. now I am told that I cannot receive insurance in the good ole USA until open enrollment in November or have a life changing event. The girl goes on to tell me that if I have the baby early then I can get coverage….. I am 14 weeks (at that point) I cannot have my baby for months you crazy bitch! So now I am really flipping the hell out and all my boyfriend can say is “we will figure it out”. Well now the doctor’s office is calling me about why everything is getting kicked back from my insurance including the progesterone shots that I desperately need to start next week. Thankfully the nurse called the manufacture and was able to get me a charity set of shots until I can “sort out my insurance”. Though I do need to pay for the visits which means $250 every 2 weeks for the ultrasound that the doctor needs and I am not sure what the nurse visits will cost. Well to sort out my insurance I would need to either quit my job, claim self employed under my business and pay $500 a month which I do not have OR marry my boyfriend which will never happen as he made very clear to me (another blog post for the future). So for right now I am stuck in a rut with this stressor.

Yesterday, I find out that the house we are still living in is now being auctioned by Auction.com on August 1st…. WT double F!!!! So after some research, I find out that once the house is sold through this site we will have 1 of 2 options, receive a 90 day eviction notice or have our lease changed which means an increase in rent! FML!! I can barely afford the bills that we have because I am down to working only 4 days a week and should be on bed rest. Now I am trying to figure out how we are coming up with the money to move into a new place plus find a new place and keep current on the bills that we do have.

A new Day…. A new Stessor! Now to look at the upside of things… 1.I do still have a place to live in, even if it is for 90 days 2. My baby is receiving care because of a very caring nurse. 3. I have a business that I can restart to make money while I make my game plan 4. I have a house full of stuff to sell on the Facebook yard sale groups to help raise money for my moving and medical expense. 5. I am 16 weeks today and Baby Evelynne is the size of an Avocado!!

From Seeds to Seedlings

I didn’t realize that I would fall in love with gardening but I am beyond in love… I am obsessed. Eveyday, twice (ok more like 4-5) times a day I go out just to see how much my seeds have grown. The pure excitement and joy I feel when I see a seed sprouting is like seeing your childd2cefa593222c793bc3b6e3c0597b238

 

accomplish something they worked so hard at acheiving successfully.

Yes, I know I sound crazy but I have learned that green thumbs are a little crazy when it comes to their plants! Each one is like a new child sprouting up and begininning
their growth process. I have watched some of my seeds die off which I think is because I don’t know everything about each type of plant to properly maintain them… aka my bean plants that are falling over instead of growing up.  Thankfully, I have a friend that has been coaching me through my gardening experience to help me properly care for my plants.

I have added to my plants by purchasing seedlings from a local greenhouse. Alot of the local youth clubs and sports teams have fundraisers with the local greenhouses for people to purchase plants at a discounted rate. My friend and I split the veggie plants, plus I purched 3 Gerbera Daises and 32 flower plants. I picked an array of purples, red and white flowers. I can’t tell yo
u the different names because its a foreign language to me but I do have the stakes to help me record how to care for them.

Since we are unsure of whether we are staying in our current house or not this summer, I have decided to pot all my plants. My friend had said to get large bins, drill holes in the bottom of them and plant in them so they are portable. I love this idea and can’t wait to decorate these bins.

My goal for this week is to get a journal to write down what happens with my seedlings and to start a chart of the care each plant needs so that I can avoid killing anymore of my plants. Below are pictures of the plants that I took from seeds to seedlings. I am so proud of my accomplishment so far!
Photo May 02, 10 16 19 AMPhoto May 02, 10 11 55 AM

Photo May 02, 10 10 14 AMPhoto May 02, 10 10 05 AM

 

Photo May 02, 10 09 18 AMPhoto May 02, 10 08 57 AM

New Puppy Mama for a Non Animal Lover

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I will be the first to admit that I was never an animal person. I couldn’t handle the fur being everywhere, the constant need for attention and the ruckus they tend to cause which is why God blessed me with a child who loves animals to the point where she stopped eating meat for a long period of time (yes I love a good steak, chicken, pork almost any meat dish except venision). Danyella absolutely loves animals and has since she was a baby and fell in love with Happy Feet but I dreaded that one day I would have to fulfil her need for animals in the house.

At 5, Danyella received Stinky, a little hamster, for her birthday and he was her first love. Then at 6, she adopted Hannah, a Havana bunny that was the runt of the litter. We house trained Hannah so she was an indoor bunny and Danyella couldn’t give enough love to Hannah. Right before Christmas, when Danyella was 8, Stinky died and she was so upset but had Hannah to keep her loving animal spirit going. As a runt, Hannah had medical issues and there was a couple of times we didn’t know if Hannah would survive the infections she got. Everytime she pulled through Danyella would dote on Hannah even more. Now animals in cages, I handled that because Hannah was allowed out a couple hours a day to play but she didn’t make so much of a mess and little noise.

Right before Christmas this past year, Hannah became very ill to the point that I hand fed her through and eye dropper. Danyella, Doug and I took turns holding Hannah until she died 2 days before Christmas. Danyella cried nearly everyday since Hannah died because she lost her best friend. I knew that Danyella wanted a dog but I have always resisted because I cannot handle fur with my business. After my miscarriage, my feelings towards a dog started to change….

A little over 2 weeks ago, Doug and I decided to stop by the local animal shelter (after weeks of stalking their facebook to see what kinds of dogs they had coming in) just to see what they had. I got the lecture from Doug “we are only looking, we are NOT bringing home a dog today!”. Well that lectured didn’t work so well on him at all because one look into each other’s eyes and Doug wasn’t leaving without Max!

Max is a Plott Hound/Pitbull mix that was fostered by someone I know locally. He is 12 weeks old and full of love. He is a Mama’s boy and my protector when someone comes to the door. He loves to go for car rides but hates that Mama won’t let him sit on her lap when she drives. When I get home, Max will shimmy his body around my body to climb up and give me kisses. Adopting Max was the best idea we ever had because now this non-animal loving girl is a New Puppy Mama!16711749_10211574326249956_4510085282709894425_n

Looking for my Creativity 

Normally I am so overly creative that I have multiple projects going at once but the past few days I feel creatively numb. I was making Messy Bun hats for customers and now that I’m done making them nothing is calling out to me.

I love finding new projects to start and get my creative juices going so this stand still in my creative process is unknown territory for me. I could make scarves or hats or blankets or a million other things. I mean I have my own patterns to make things, hundreds of patterns in my pattern folder not to mention the thousands and thousands of patterns on Pinterest but not one is peeking a little bit of interest.

What do you do when you lose your creatively? Do you push yourself to make something hoping it will come back? Do you make yourself take a creativity break?

Right now I’m pushing myself to keep creating because it’s an income for my family but I will keep you updated on how this artist block goes. If anyone has tips please feel free to share.